Disappointment

I have set the Lord continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my glory [my innermost self] rejoices; My body too will dwell [confidently] in safety, For You will not abandon me to Sheol (the nether world, the place of the dead), Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭16:8-10‬ ‭AMP‬‬

I have spent a lot of time thinking about disappointment. Not because I’m currently navigating it, but because it seems to be one of those things that visits infrequently enough that we’re not really ready for it when it does. 

I think sometimes we (ok, just me?) fear disappointment more than anything else. 

I think disappointment is the one thing that keeps us from truly walking with God, fully and wholly. It’s the line of distance between us. We keep full trust at bay so we aren’t disappointed when things don’t happen the way we thought they would. Subconsciously, we can believe that not fully trusting somehow protects us from the inevitability of disappointment. 

Disappointment is crushing. Scripture even talks about this. 

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when desire is fulfilled, it is a tree of life.

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭13:12‬ ‭

Maybe because we cling to the idea that we have some sort of control, that seeing an outcome we didn’t want and can’t change feels unfair. It shifts our vision, and often, our image of how things ‘should’ look. It changes our hopes and plans for the future, and frankly, it’s painful. 

Personally, I feel like the Lord showed me why disappointment is so painful. And why it’s one more area that I am not walking fully and wholly with God. Big oof. 

The reason disappointment is so potent is because I am still fighting for my will. 

The divide between praise and despair in every circumstance is made by my own resistance. 

Instead of surrender to ALL His ways, I want to cling to my outcome. I want to cling to what *I* think God should do. And when He doesn’t, it’s shattering. 

This is why praise in trial and pain isn’t the first reaction. 

So, the Lord told me, “You want to know the way through disappointment? 

Surrender.”

I feel like we have to pause to let that sink in for a moment. Read it again, real quick and let that sit in your heart. 

This is how we consider it joy to face trials of many kinds, as James says. 

This is how we remain content in every circumstance, as Paul says. 

The Lord is the portion of my inheritance, my cup [He is all I need]; You support my lot.

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭16:5‬ ‭

The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, to guide and to shield me], I shall not want.

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23:1‬ ‭AMP‬‬

When we surrender, when we fully give up control, disappointment no longer has a seat at the table. We don’t fear disappointment, because the outcome is not our peace; He is. 

The great paradox is giving up control and letting go of my will, and there we find freedom. I don’t mean some elusive idea of freedom that has no tangible meaning. I mean FREEDOM. No longer a slave to fear. No longer captive to my own thoughts or emotions. No longer held by my own outcomes or ideas. 

And I’ve experienced it. Instead of feeling a whole range of emotions in the aftermath of disappointment, there is peace. Joy. And yes, a heart that is ready to praise my Savior for His goodness. Thankfulness that He is faithful and present, my close companion no matter what I walk through. 

And to know fully that He is worthy of ALL my trust and praise. 

Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart And do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, And He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭

Foundations

The earth is the LORD’S, and the fullness of it, 

The world, and those who dwell in it.

For He has founded it upon the seas 

And established it upon the streams and the rivers.

Psalm 24:1-2 

You, Lord, laid the foundation of the earth in the beginning, And the heavens are the works of Your hands;

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭1:10‬ ‭

 

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about God establishing the earth. There are many scriptures that confirm this idea, it’s not profound to consider. Even Genesis 1:1 states this idea quite clearly; “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” 

 

But there is something even more that I have been considering.

 

I was reading about the Hebrew word for ‘womb’. The word ‘rechem’*, which is derived from the word ‘racham’. The word racham is defined as compassion and mercy. 

This honestly astonished me. The implications of this language are indeed profound. 

First, the womb is intended as a place of compassion and mercy toward mankind: as the Lord opens the womb to bear children. And this is confirmed in scripture when David says that children are a gift, a reward, from God.*** And confirmed again in scripture when it is to the womb of a woman that God sends His Son as a baby.**** THE act of compassion and mercy. 

 

And furthermore, I believe the womb is intended to BE (present and future tense implied)

 a place of compassion and mercy. 

 

You know I’m going to say it, because the implication is clear. The womb cannot be a place for murder (abortion), because God established clearly his intention for it. It is intended to be a place of compassion and MERCY. Not death. Not murder. This is so important for us to understand as believers because though we might be able to justify many reasons why abortion is acceptable and necessary, it is firmly established in God’s word that it is not. 

He has woven his design and intention into the very language we use so that even if in our lofty humanistic “wisdom” and argument, it cannot be denied. 

 

And honestly, I think this is a beautiful thing to consider. Even if you hate the idea of children, it is incredible that our Creator designed the ability and physiology of our bodies in compassion and mercy. His intention toward us in this matter is compassion and mercy. 

It is not burden. Children are not a burden; they are a gift. 

 

 

Of course, we can discuss nuance in situation and recognize that sometimes there are hardships involved in raising a child. Of course, there can be and are. However, the answer should not be killing a truly innocent human being. As Christians especially, we are unable to escape the reality of God’s word. There is no justification for abortion; for the killing of an innocent baby who cannot speak for themselves. Scripture actually addresses that too.*****

 

 

And no, we will not be countering this conversation with a discussion on gun rights, immigration, illegal immigration, homelessness or capital punishment. 

I have plenty of thoughts on these topics, but none of them are going to be addressed here. Just once, we are going to leave this topic as is. 

 

 

Now, please understand, I am mostly talking to believers, as I think our confusion about this is deeply concerning. And I do understand how it might be hard to reconcile what you have been convinced is truth with actual Truth. 

Even if you choose not to acknowledge God, His design is final. I know that can be hard to accept as well, but it is another inescapable reality. 

I am sure that there are many who will disagree, or tell me how incorrect I am. And that's fine. God bless you as you disagree. 

I could see how some could still choose to see this in a different light and interpretation, but I would suggest your ultimate issue might be with lordship and therefore you will never yield your position. That will be an issue only you and the Lord can work out. 

 

I hope that instead of being discouraged or frustrated, you find yourself hopeful. 

That even though a child may not fit into the plan or finances or vision you had for your future, it could turn into the biggest and most incredible gift that you cannot even imagine. 

A child is a gift, from a place of compassion and mercy. 

And as a woman, you are designed with compassion and mercy built into your body. 

What a gift!!

 

 

 

 

 

*https://biblehub.com/hebrew/7358.htm

 

 

** racham: compassion

https://biblehub.com/hebrew/7356.htm

 

 

 

***Psalm 127:3

Behold, children are a heritage and gift from the LORD, 

The fruit of the womb a reward.

 

****Isaiah 7:14 

Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call Him Immanuel. 

 

***** Proverbs 31:8-9

Open your mouth for the mute, 

For the rights of all who are unfortunate and defenseless;

Open your mouth, judge righteously, 

And administer justice for the afflicted and needy.

 

Psalm 82:3-4

Defend the weak and the fatherless;

uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.

Rescue the weak and the needy;

deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

 

 

Let Go

I’ve been in this process over the last 5 years. And the last year I’ve taken time to listen and really hear what the Lord has been telling me. To be still, honestly. To wait. 

And truthfully, I’ve written and rewritten this blog. I’ve been struggling with it because I know there’s something to be said, but I hadn’t been able to ascertain the point. I don’t want to miscommunicate what I feel like the Lord is teaching me. I’ve been mulling this topic over for months, and trying to put together some thoughts on it. 

The other night on my run, the Lord showed me the real point. 

Do not be unequally bound together with unbelievers [do not make mismatched alliances with them, inconsistent with your faith]. For what partnership can righteousness have with lawlessness? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭6:14‬ ‭

This is the point. 

I have been struggling with so many different relationships over the last few years. Both in friends, and my own leaders in church. It seems to be the same pattern over and over again, which finally has led me to the conclusion that the Lord is showing me something that I need to deal with *in me.*

I think it’s important to note that most often, the Lord is going to address our own sin, not just come discipline people who have hurt us- and we should be so thankful that this is the case.*

We can waste time trying to hold other people accountable for being selfish and hurtful, OR we can trust the Lord will deal with them. 

But I digress. 

Back to 2 Corinthians. 

I truly believe this scripture is not just about marriage, but includes any relationship or partnership. The key phrasing for me is “mismatched alliances.” 

These can be people who love the Lord, but are not walking the way you walk. 

Transparently, I have had many of these such alliances in my life. I have made the mistake of being so naive to assume because people “love God” and are in church, that they must be a “matched alliance”, as it were. And they were not. 

The yoking is an important picture because these are people who are not interested in keeping pace with you, or carrying their share of the burden. So when the yoke breaks, they’ll be out of sight before they even notice you’re not with them anymore. And when they do, they won’t look back to see what happened, or if you were injured, because they simply don’t care. 

Even worse, in my experience, the story they’ll tell is that *you* were the problem and they’re glad to be rid of you. 

Ultimately, this is not a tale of how awful those other people are. We can recognize unhealthiness and move on. We aren’t going to give bitterness a foothold**. 

This is a tale of learning to choose equal yoking. Even just in friendship. If this is not a true course of walking together and equally carrying one another’s burden, it’s not a yoke we can take on. 

But make no mistake, we are responsible for the yokes we choose. So, let us mature. Let us choose wisely the partnerships we take on, the yokes we choose to share. 

Finding people who are walking the same direction, and are willing to carry the load is actually quite rare. 

In my experience, there will be more misses than marks. And that’s ok. 

It’s ok to “miss out” on opportunities. It’s ok to miss out on something other people are doing because a relationship or friendship is ok for them, but might not be ok for you. 

Don’t worry over missing out, you’re not really. All you’re risking is missing out on an unequal yoke. And that will be no loss. 

Don’t be afraid to let go of these unequal yokes. 

*”and you have forgotten the divine word of encouragement which is addressed to you as sons, “My son, do not make light of the discipline of the Lord, And do not lose heart and give up when you are corrected by Him; For the Lord disciplines and corrects those whom He loves, And He punishes every son whom He receives and welcomes [to His heart].””

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:5-6‬ ‭

**Be angry [at sin—at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior], yet do not sin; do not let your anger [cause you shame, nor allow it to] last until the sun goes down. And do not give the devil an opportunity [to lead you into sin by holding a grudge, or nurturing anger, or harboring resentment, or cultivating bitterness].”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:26-27‬ ‭

And a bonus reminder to choose wisely:

He who walks [as a companion] with wise men will be wise, But the companions of [conceited, dull-witted] fools [are fools themselves and] will experience harm.

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭13:20‬ ‭