The Way We Were

I was reminiscing the other day on where I was 5 years ago. Quite a different place, quite a different person, I suppose. 

Not radically differently. Fundamentally speaking, I don't think I've ever changed. I love Jesus, passionately. Passionate about serving Him, no matter what the cost- and believe me, I've counted it. 

I am ok with letting ideas challenge my naturally black and white logic. It's interesting that my husband's job has become paramount for challenging my thought process. It's difficult to watch people be hateful towards you or what you do and determine that your response can and must not be anything other than deep and sincere kindness. I guess Jesus was pretty familiar with that. 

For anyone out there who thinks poorly of me, or thinks I'm crazy,  just know that Jesus is still working on me. I guess you can take consolation in the fact that He is still challenging me to be more like Him. The only thing going for me I guess, is that I want Him to change me. I'm not resistant to it, because it's all I really want. 

But I digress. 

There are certain times and places, people that I miss. At times it's hard to remember we were close once. Every now and then I wonder what it would be like if we still were. But it's quite irrelevant now. Lots of good memories, and fond times. And certainly some unpleasant ones as well. But those days are long gone. Thankfully. Ha. 

Nevertheless, I am immensely thankful for where I am now. The people that have been brought into my life have helped push me to be who I am supposed to be. Thank God for them. Thank God for everyone who ever took a chance on me. It was risky, but it made all the difference for me. Life really is a journey. I just hope I end up where I'm supposed to be at the end of it. 

But that's just me. If you dare to be so transparent, who were you 5 years ago? What would you change? Would you choose anything differently? 

Real Life and Superheroes

I've always felt like a hero. Yikes. That sounds big. And self-important. I don't mean it that way. I've just always deeply identified with THE hero. I've always been willing to give up what I want for the good of others. I deeply identify with the righteous quest of the hero. It's how I feel about life. But the thing is, this is real life, and we're not superheroes. 

It would be so easy if I was a hero in a book. I would just be handed my quest, or stumble upon it in some dark cave and then I would start off on my journey to save the world. It would be simple, and I would know my path. It wouldn't be easy, because what hero's journey is? But I'm ok with that. I don't mind things being difficult, as long as I know my goal, my purpose. 

I'm a task oriented person. I don't mind the task, as long as I know that in the end it will get me where I'm supposed to be. 

So what does a task oriented person do without a task? What's a hero without their journey? Just waiting, waiting...waiting. Looking at all the possibilities and still having no answers. It's infuriating. Part of me is screaming, "SOMEONE GIVE ME MY TASK!" But in reality, I'm not sure I'm even ready for it. I want to be though. 

I'm not afraid of hard work, or sacrifice. I'll gladly sacrifice if it will make a difference. Here's hoping the journey continues, or the next task reveals itself soon. 

This isn't a self-pity sort of post. Quite the opposite actually. It's amusing, humorous even.
It's just my process. Mulling over my thoughts. Trying to figure them out. Maybe even make sense of it all. 

After all, a hero doesn't like to sit around on the couch watching the world go by...