Say It Once

Say it once so I know I've tried 

Say it once so I haven't lied 

Say it once though we disagree 

Say it once and let it be 

Say it once cause I know I should 

Say it once for my own good 

Say it once and drive the knife

Say it once to save my life 

Say it once for us both to hear

Say it once loud and clear 

Say it once even though it hurts 

Say it once for all it's worth 

Say it once and crush my heart 

Say it once or we'll never start 

Say it once and break the ice 

Say it once and roll the dice 

Say it once and say it loud 

Say it once even if I doubt 

Say it once and watch me cry 

Say it once or I might die 

Say it once with all you've got

Say it once in every thought 

Say it once into the wind 

Say it once before the end 

Say it once and say it for all 

Say it once even if we fall 

Say it once so I'll know its true 

Say it once, I love you. 

Remember The Stars

I was looking at a voice memo in my phone, one of dozens, to be sure. But I was stunned by the date. 10.22.15. It shocked me because I can’t believe it’s been nearly two years since I wrote that song. How is that possible? It seems like it was yesterday. 

I could be discouraged, I suppose. Notebooks full of songs. Voice memos piled up with melodies. All these songs and stories that no one has ever heard. Why is it taking so long? Will the time ever come for these songs to be heard? 

I just don’t understand the timing of God. I’ll never understand how destinies and timing work together to create the best possible outcome we could ever hope or dream for. I’ll never understand how some people seem to walk in their destinies with ease, and how some of us desperately struggle and fight to get to ours. It’s not a jealous thing, because I refuse to compare my life to the life of another. I’m just deep in the fight. 

And maybe the truth is, I can’t understand. Maybe it’s out of the realm of my understanding. It’s an insight too great for me to behold. All I can do is marvel at the mystery.

I suppose you could think it’s foolish, or that I’m overcomplicating things. And maybe I am. But I can’t shake the feeling, the deep sense, that I have to wait. That the timing isn’t right. Sure, I could rush out and go make an album, or pursue any number of things on the list of dreams in my heart. And there probably wouldn’t be anything “wrong” with it. The truth is, I honestly believe I would be doing it in my own strength. And it’s taken me a long time to see what that really means, and I don’t want to do it that way. 

I feel like there’s a timing to this, and it’s significant. Because there is something about the right thing, at the right time, with the right people. It’s the trifecta. And honestly, I believe it’s unstoppable. 

The truth is, I don’t know what I’m waiting for. But I’ll know when I see it. 

I believe with everything in me that I’m gonna cross a threshold, and everything will change. You don’t have to believe it, that’s ok. I believe it. And, I’ll wait. Sometimes patiently, sometimes screaming in my heart over the ‘why’ of it all. 

There’s a lot of pressure out there in the world to be “successful.” It’s got a million different definitions, but you’ve gotta have it. And if people approve, it must be right. But as always, I look at everything with a Kingdom lens (sorry, I know no other way). And success in the Kingdom is really measured in obedience, in faithfulness. The questions I believe we’ll be facing in eternity will sound like “were you faithful?” and “were you obedient?” “Were you successful?” will probably never be in the equation. Just saying. 

I’d love to be successful. Shoot, who wouldn’t? But I’d rather be faithful. I’d rather be obedient. And often, those things are quiet, and go unnoticed. They don’t get a lot of fame or recognition. They don’t get applause, or accolades. But they get the attention of the Father. 

Genesis 15:6 says Abraham BELIEVED God, and it was credited to him as righteousness. That’s a far cry from what gets noticed in today’s society. 

But it is that simple. Abraham believed. That’s it. There was no real evidence, other than the stars* in the sky. No reason for Abraham to believe based on what he could see with his eyes. He took the promise of God and believed. 

And so in turn, I believe. I take the promises of God, both in His word and the ones He’s whispered, and I BELIEVE. And when the battle is long and I can’t remember because nothing I see matches what I believe, I’ll look to the stars. 

There will always be reasons to give up. To stop believing. To walk away. 

If ever you find yourself in that place, look up and remember the stars. 

*Genesis 15:1-6

After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: “Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.” 2 But Abram said, “O Lord God, what will you give me, for I continue[a] childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?” 3 And Abram said, “Behold, you have given me no offspring, and a member of my household will be my heir.” 4 And behold, the word of the Lord came to him: “This man shall not be your heir; your very own son[b] shall be your heir.” 5 And he brought him outside and said, “Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” 6 And he believed the Lord, and he counted it to him as righteousness.

The Road of Faithfulness

I've been thinking a lot about faithfulness. 

I'm realizing that all of life is an exercise in faithfulness. 

Especially when we're young. I sometimes think that all we are called to when we're young is faithfulness. 

Because God is shaping us for something. He is refining us for the purpose for which he made us. 

And if we can't be faithful, we probably won't ever get where we're meant to go. 

Some of us have longer roads in faithfulness. And that can be wearying, because we worry and wonder if we're ever going to get where we're meant to go. We feel like we're never gonna be released to walk in our calling, our purpose. We feel like we're in the same circle forever. And, for me, it seems like all God ever speaks to me about is faithfulness. And all he asks me for is more faithfulness. 

And we feel like it will never change. Or maybe we have to go do something else because we don't think God is speaking to us, so we must have "missed" it. So we run to do something else because maybe that will be the open door. Maybe then God will speak to us. Maybe then it will be clear. Maybe then we'll be able to walk in our calling. 

But I think the truth is, all God is looking for is faithfulness. And when we have a long road of faithfulness, it's because God is tempering us to last. 

When we are released to our destiny, we'll be able to hold onto it. We'll be able to last. We won't question it. We won't give up. We won't let discouragement kill us. We'll be able to weather the storms that will beat against us, because we lasted the road of faithfulness. 

We stayed when no one else did. We sacrificed what no one else would. We gave what no one else would. We waited when everyone else gave up. We pressed forward when everyone else walked away. We hoped against all hope. We believed against all evidence. 

All because we lasted the road of faithfulness. 

Truth is, I've spent 15 years actively walking the road of faithfulness. And for the vast majority of it, I had no idea that's what I was doing. 

Most of the time it looked like me doing the same boring things. It looked like me laying awake at night worrying that I've "missed it." It looked like me furiously scribbling in a journal all my thoughts and questions and feeling like I never had any answers. It looked like being overlooked while other people got recognized and promoted. It looked like discouragement, because I thought maybe I was never going to step into my destiny. 

It looked like YEARS of waiting. It was a lot of unexciting, uninteresting years of doing the small task in front of me. That's it. That's the road of faithfulness. It's not pretty. It's not poetic. 

It's difficult. And uncertain. And quite frankly, it's lonely. Because a lot of people won't walk the road of faithfulness. 

And truthfully, I'm still there. I'm still walking the road of faithfulness. I'm still not sure I've stepped into my destiny. And that's ok. Because I see the big picture now. The Lord has been so kind to me. He let me see the road I'm walking on. I can't see the destination. But he showed me the road I'm on. So even when I have no answers it's ok, because I know the road. 

So I won't give up. I refuse to walk away. I refuse to be beaten by length of this road. I refuse to be intimidated by the all the things I can't see and can't understand. 

If NOTHING ELSE, I will be FAITHFUL. 

Right here, right now, with what has been entrusted to me. That's it.

If two roads diverge in the woods, the one less traveled is called faithfulness.