Things I Left in Washington

I have a list in my phone, titled Things I Left in Washington. Just clothes, and things I left behind to make it easy when I go up to visit.

I looked at it the other day and it got me thinking. I left things in Washington. So much more than just clothes, or shoes or little things. I left a huge part of my life. Most of my life for that matter.
I've always known that I was called to ministry, and to build the kingdom of God. I don't feel particularly called to overseas missions at this point in life, however, it's definitely not out of the question. I always believe anything is possible, and I will go wherever the Lord calls me.
Some days I struggle so much with having left my family behind in Washington. It's so hard to miss everything that happens there. I hate missing my nephew and my niece growing up. I've missed too much already. A huge part of me just wants to go back. But I know that I can't.

When I was a kid, I would read stories of missionaries and their hardships pioneering the way for the gospel, and I would long to do that. In my head I would go through all the things that I was willing to give up, and for the most part, I thought that I knew how to count the cost.
I realize that it may not seem like tough missionary work, out here in sunny Tucson. But the things the Lord has brought into my life; work and ministry opportunities, are only the first step. I truly believe that the Lord is teaching me how to live at a certain level. Balancing busyness, and life. Balancing ministry, doing it well, with excellence and being reminded to not grow weary in doing good. I think I've realized that this is just the beginning. This is critical. This is the proving ground for whatever is to come.
I guess what it comes down to, is that if I can be faithful in this; if I can endure this step well, then I will be ready for the whatever the next step is. I have no doubt that the next step will call for greater obedience, greater faith, greater trust and greater sacrifice. But I long for it. I long for the opportunity to be faithful, and to be used for the kingdom of God.

I could go into detail about the moment I knew the Lord called me here. I could go into detail about the scripture the Lord spoke to me at that exact moment. But there's no need for convincing myself, or anyone else. Truthfully, for whatever reason, that moment is so personal to me, I don't even want to write it out. It's a moment I will never forget.

Really, what I'm trying to say, is that I left a lot in Washington. Far more than little material things. I left my life, my family, everything that is comfortable and familiar to me. Really, the only reason I am here, is because the Lord told me to be here. It's always easier to go back, than to go forward. So I welcome the challenge of going forward. Letting go of myself, and what is comfortable to me, and being obedient and fully surrendered to the Lord's call in my life. Ultimately, that is what is in my heart. That is what keeps me lying awake at night. But I cannot forget the things I've left behind.  

Warrior's Cry

The latest poem...check it out.

This is an adventure I can’t take back

A journey with no other way

I fear all the strength I lack

To finish strong that fearsome day

This was meant to be

Leaving all I once held dear

Excitement breathes within me

Crushing all I’ve come to fear

This road stretched out before me

Leaves treasures in my heart to ponder

An endless mystery

And I’m just left to wonder

A distance my eyes cannot see

Yet hope my heart dares to hold

Faith is all there is to me

Worth far more than gold

I will journey on

With every lasting breath

For I know the Victor

Has overcome even death

My trust is strong so I battle on

A warrior’s cry this is

Never fear, for He is here

Forever in Him, I shall live.

Moved With Compassion

Tonight I found out what's like in some small part to really be moved with compassion. Not in some big, impressive way, mind you. Just a small way.

My husband and I went to Walmart, just picking up a few things we needed. He went to look at video games (of course) while I browsed through the movies. As I was standing there a woman walking by caught my attention. She was crying and calling out for her boyfriend, or husband to stop. "Miles, please wait", she cried out, trailing further and further behind him. I watched for a moment and was just so pressed to go pray with this young woman.
So I started out after her. She had gotten quite a ways ahead of me by this time. So I searched around a whole side of the store looking for her. I was just about to give up, kicking myself that I hadn't acted sooner, when I turned around and saw her pleading again with her husband. He walked away from her again, and left her standing in a main aisle, crying. I knew this was my chance. I walked up to her, put my hand on her arm and asked her if she was ok. I think it shocked her. She jumped and just cried more. So I asked her if I could pray with her. And she laughed, going on to explain that she and her husband were going to get divorced, it didn't matter how much they tried to bring God into it, nothing changed. I didn't have any wise words to say, except that I was so sorry they were going through that. Again I asked if I could pray with her, and she shrugged and said ok. Her husband then was walking down the aisle towards us, so she called him over explaining that "this total stranger felt moved by God to pray with them and did he want to be a part of it?" He nodded and said yes, he did want to be a part. So we joined hands and right there in the middle of the main aisle in Walmart, we prayed. Praying for their marriage, for their relationship with Jesus, for wisdom and guidance...just every aspect of their situation. After we finished praying, I got this dear young woman's number, and asked if I could stay in touch with her. I told them about my church, and asked if they would come some time. They said yes. :)
I've now spent the whole evening texting this woman, and just caring for her. Not because I'm anything special, but because I felt so moved with compassion from Jesus to care about these people. How is it possible that a woman can walk around in a store as busy as Walmart crying, and nobody asks if she's ok?

If you don't mind, pray for Miles (the husband), and Charlie (the wife). Pray for their marriage. Pray that they will have patience, and compassion for each other. Pray that they will remember their love for each other. Pray that they will come to know Jesus in a real way. Pray that tonight is just the beginning of their walk with the Lord, and that our little not-so-chance meeting in Walmart will change things for good-because God IS able.

The Silence Crisis

I've been quiet recently.
Partly, I know, because I'm busy and I just don't have time to sit down and blog out my thoughts as much as I would like.

There are some things I just feel somewhat lost in. Some things that I just have no direction on whatsoever. It's a bit disjointed I guess.

Something is brewing...it's like there is a shift coming and all the things that I've been stuck on were leading up to this point. There's been some breakthrough in some areas that I had no understanding in at all a few months ago. Finally some clarity on what to pray for...which is awesome.

It's really like this: It seems as though a veil has been lifted from my eyes and I am now seeing even greater things that I'm in a spiritual battle over. It's like I've caught a glimpse of how significant things are that I didn't see before. Ephesians 6 says "we fight not against flesh and blood but against the powers and principalities of this present darkness." I don't mean to be "over spiritual" but I am truly seeing some things in a different light.
I guess the silence comes from the weight of things I didn't even understand. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not burdened or depressed. I guess I've just been trying to figure things out, gain some clarity and wisdom before I move on. The deep breath before the plunge, I guess.
It's all good things really. More opportunities to lay down my will, my nature, what's natural and "normal" and take a greater step towards being like Jesus.
That's my desire and my heart anyway. Not just in word, but in action.
There's a lot of work ahead...but I'm ready. Refreshed, renewed...empowered by the grace of God.

You Make Beautiful Things

"You make beautiful things 

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things 

You make beautiful things out of us"

                                                                                                      ~Michael Gungor

I like these words. These words lift up my heart, and remind me that God isn't finished yet. He takes the broken things, and the foolish things of the world and uses them for His glory. He always finishes what He starts, and has promised that He is faithful to complete the good work He has begun. What an amazing God.

It's a beautiful story, this life we live. The truest beauty, is living for Him.
I am so excited for the future, and for the things that God is doing. It's exciting, and scary all at the same time. There's so much work ahead, but I can't wait to walk in things that there is no way I can accomplish. That people will look at what's happening, and see the only way it's possible is because of the Lord. It's so beautiful, isn't it? He makes beautiful things.

Mezzo Cammin

"Not indolence, nor pleasure, nor the fret
of restless passions that would not be stilled,
But sorrow, and a care that almost killed,
Kept me from what I may accomplish yet."
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Don't give up. Don't let time gone by discourage you from what you know you're meant to do, and what the Lord has called you to.
Sometimes the battle is long, doesn't mean it's lost.

Faith and Love Will Keep Us Strong

I am challenged by so many things. Worries and frustrations. Trials and conflicts. Constantly trying to deny what is "normal", and fight for what I know the Lord has called me to.
 People always say that "all you need is love." Sometimes I find that statement to be so cliche. Sometimes it's just something for people to say, because it seems right. But the older I get, and the more circumstances I face I find myself wondering if that really is the answer. Even in my own circumstances, I look at things and I see that the easiest thing to do would be to snap and take out my frustration on someone, most likely my husband. Not because whatever I'm frustrated with is his fault, but because it's so easy to just snap in a moment of anger. But as I stand there in that moment, I know I have a choice. I can choose to snap and place that situation between us, or I can choose to hold him closer than whatever we're facing. Be frustrated at the situation, and leave it at that, and to love him and value him over my frustration. 

I truly believe that love changes things. Jesus displayed that over and over again. Not that it changes what is happening, but love opens a door that changes people. Quietly, and without notice or attention, love changes things. And maybe sometimes the only person that love changes, is me. Maybe choosing to love someone else, instead of holding on to whatever I'm stuck on, will change me. And that's enough. If I'm the one that has to change, I'm ok with that.

Even those who seem like they don't need it, want it or deserve it. Even when they push it away; I truly believe that deep down, what people really need is to know that someone loves them. And the beauty of that is Jesus does love them. But it's up to me, to us, to show that. The Bible says that love never fails. So I want to love. I will choose to love. Even when I see no results, I will choose to love anyway. Because love never fails.

And after all: "These three remain: faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is love." 
1 Corinthians 13