I looked at it the other day and it got me thinking. I left things in Washington. So much more than just clothes, or shoes or little things. I left a huge part of my life. Most of my life for that matter.
I've always known that I was called to ministry, and to build the kingdom of God. I don't feel particularly called to overseas missions at this point in life, however, it's definitely not out of the question. I always believe anything is possible, and I will go wherever the Lord calls me.
Some days I struggle so much with having left my family behind in Washington. It's so hard to miss everything that happens there. I hate missing my nephew and my niece growing up. I've missed too much already. A huge part of me just wants to go back. But I know that I can't.
When I was a kid, I would read stories of missionaries and their hardships pioneering the way for the gospel, and I would long to do that. In my head I would go through all the things that I was willing to give up, and for the most part, I thought that I knew how to count the cost.
I realize that it may not seem like tough missionary work, out here in sunny Tucson. But the things the Lord has brought into my life; work and ministry opportunities, are only the first step. I truly believe that the Lord is teaching me how to live at a certain level. Balancing busyness, and life. Balancing ministry, doing it well, with excellence and being reminded to not grow weary in doing good. I think I've realized that this is just the beginning. This is critical. This is the proving ground for whatever is to come.
I guess what it comes down to, is that if I can be faithful in this; if I can endure this step well, then I will be ready for the whatever the next step is. I have no doubt that the next step will call for greater obedience, greater faith, greater trust and greater sacrifice. But I long for it. I long for the opportunity to be faithful, and to be used for the kingdom of God.
I could go into detail about the moment I knew the Lord called me here. I could go into detail about the scripture the Lord spoke to me at that exact moment. But there's no need for convincing myself, or anyone else. Truthfully, for whatever reason, that moment is so personal to me, I don't even want to write it out. It's a moment I will never forget.
Really, what I'm trying to say, is that I left a lot in Washington. Far more than little material things. I left my life, my family, everything that is comfortable and familiar to me. Really, the only reason I am here, is because the Lord told me to be here. It's always easier to go back, than to go forward. So I welcome the challenge of going forward. Letting go of myself, and what is comfortable to me, and being obedient and fully surrendered to the Lord's call in my life. Ultimately, that is what is in my heart. That is what keeps me lying awake at night. But I cannot forget the things I've left behind.
Spot on, Carlie! There is a price for following hard after Jesus, but the rewards are unmatchable and irreplaceable. I miss you bunches, but understand that it is always best to be in the center of God's will. My God is big, and He works all things according to the counsel of His will. We only have this lifetime to cooperate with His infinite plan, and then all of eternity learning to understand and praise Him for the intricacies of it. And just to keep the record straight, there is always a place for you in Washington. Love you bunches!
ReplyDeleteAJ