Confessions of Cop's Wife

Tonight at work, my husband tracked down a car that was reported as a dangerous driver with no lights on. Turned out it was an 80-something year old woman who was lost. She couldn't remember the street name of where she was trying to go, so my husband got her sister's phone number and called to get the right address. 

He then proceeded to escort that lady about 20 miles to where she was trying to go. Even though she was following him she turned down the wrong street, got lost again, so he went to find her for a second time. Then he made sure it was the house she was trying to find, walked her to the door and made sure she was safe inside before leaving. I write this long post because it's exhausting watching people constantly rag on cops. Everyone can't wait to post a story about how a cop did something wrong, or how a cop made a mistake. No one cares to post a story about all the amazing officers out there who do everything they can to keep people safe. The officers who work long hours into the night to make sure that someone is out there to take care of a dangerous situation. 

I'm so proud my husband is a cop. I had no idea how hated cops were until he became one. Police are there to keep YOU safe. While you sit at home with your family reading this post, my husband is out there with a badge on his chest which for many may as well be a bullseye. You ask any cop, their first priority is keeping people safe. They would NEVER ask for a thank you, and quite frankly, they rarely get one. They are criticized, insulted, belittled, undermined, and openly disrespected. They never know if they'll get to go home at the end of their work day, because someone might step out of their car and gun them down on a simple traffic stop. And those of us at home never know if they'll come home at the end of shift. But my husband wouldn't trade his job for anything in the world. I'm so glad there are people like him out there. People who are willing to put their lives on the line for anyone, even those who are ready to criticize them the first chance they get. 

We need our law enforcement officers, so thank one the next time you see one. Its probably the only thank you they've heard in a while.

Off my soapbox now, but I just wanted you all to know what a day in the life of a law enforcement officer really looks like. 

Open Hands

I'm realizing that God is stripping things away from me. All claim to being important. It's not that I thought I was important, but subconsciously it was something I valued. The things that I attached that importance to, people, position and place. Those things that I somewhere in my mind thought I needed to cling to in order to hold on to that importance...all of it is being stripped away.

Maybe because I've realized that I was afraid if I didn't have those things, God would forget about me. Its not that I care so much about being important. But I want to be important to God. It's so silly, I know. In some regard I didn't even know I thought that. Until I've spent months praying and trying to understand this season of shift and transition. Quite honestly, these revelations are embarrassing for me.  I'm a person who thrives on answers. I analyze everything because I want to know and understand it all. To make it all make sense. I like to think I have no weaknesses, no limitations. How laughable that sounds now.

God is stripping things away from me. Not to take things away so that I have less. But so that I can have more. Ultimately my importance doesn't matter. It's not attached to a person, or a place or a position. It will always hinge on Jesus.
He's calling me to walk in greater faith. Greater obedience, greater trust. To walk only by faith, and not what I see. Most of life shouldn't be based on what I see. If it was, life would seem rather bleak.

It's time to be ok with the change. To remember that I hold everything with open hands. Nothing is mine. Everything is His.

Glimpses

We look for these moments.
The moments when we get a little glimpse of the future. Of what God is doing. Of the next step.
A moment where things make sense.

We all wait for glimpses.
Glimpses of the past, reminding us of the things we've lost, the people and the precious moments. The times we look back on and smile, and wish we could relive...just one more time.

Glimpses of each other. Little truths that we share about ourselves that make us feel close. Like we're not alone. We try to be strong, and just keep on moving.The truth is, we need each other. We need the little glimpses of the truth. Little glimpses to strengthen us and encourage us. To give us hope when we're about to give up.

Little glimpses to let someone else in, the utter thrill of that one love.

We all wait for a glimpse. A little glimpse of a greater reality. Little glimpses of the greatest victory.
We all wait.
I cherish these little moments that I look back on. And wait for a little glimpse of what's next.
 

Things I Left in Washington

I have a list in my phone, titled Things I Left in Washington. Just clothes, and things I left behind to make it easy when I go up to visit.

I looked at it the other day and it got me thinking. I left things in Washington. So much more than just clothes, or shoes or little things. I left a huge part of my life. Most of my life for that matter.
I've always known that I was called to ministry, and to build the kingdom of God. I don't feel particularly called to overseas missions at this point in life, however, it's definitely not out of the question. I always believe anything is possible, and I will go wherever the Lord calls me.
Some days I struggle so much with having left my family behind in Washington. It's so hard to miss everything that happens there. I hate missing my nephew and my niece growing up. I've missed too much already. A huge part of me just wants to go back. But I know that I can't.

When I was a kid, I would read stories of missionaries and their hardships pioneering the way for the gospel, and I would long to do that. In my head I would go through all the things that I was willing to give up, and for the most part, I thought that I knew how to count the cost.
I realize that it may not seem like tough missionary work, out here in sunny Tucson. But the things the Lord has brought into my life; work and ministry opportunities, are only the first step. I truly believe that the Lord is teaching me how to live at a certain level. Balancing busyness, and life. Balancing ministry, doing it well, with excellence and being reminded to not grow weary in doing good. I think I've realized that this is just the beginning. This is critical. This is the proving ground for whatever is to come.
I guess what it comes down to, is that if I can be faithful in this; if I can endure this step well, then I will be ready for the whatever the next step is. I have no doubt that the next step will call for greater obedience, greater faith, greater trust and greater sacrifice. But I long for it. I long for the opportunity to be faithful, and to be used for the kingdom of God.

I could go into detail about the moment I knew the Lord called me here. I could go into detail about the scripture the Lord spoke to me at that exact moment. But there's no need for convincing myself, or anyone else. Truthfully, for whatever reason, that moment is so personal to me, I don't even want to write it out. It's a moment I will never forget.

Really, what I'm trying to say, is that I left a lot in Washington. Far more than little material things. I left my life, my family, everything that is comfortable and familiar to me. Really, the only reason I am here, is because the Lord told me to be here. It's always easier to go back, than to go forward. So I welcome the challenge of going forward. Letting go of myself, and what is comfortable to me, and being obedient and fully surrendered to the Lord's call in my life. Ultimately, that is what is in my heart. That is what keeps me lying awake at night. But I cannot forget the things I've left behind.  

Warrior's Cry

The latest poem...check it out.

This is an adventure I can’t take back

A journey with no other way

I fear all the strength I lack

To finish strong that fearsome day

This was meant to be

Leaving all I once held dear

Excitement breathes within me

Crushing all I’ve come to fear

This road stretched out before me

Leaves treasures in my heart to ponder

An endless mystery

And I’m just left to wonder

A distance my eyes cannot see

Yet hope my heart dares to hold

Faith is all there is to me

Worth far more than gold

I will journey on

With every lasting breath

For I know the Victor

Has overcome even death

My trust is strong so I battle on

A warrior’s cry this is

Never fear, for He is here

Forever in Him, I shall live.

Moved With Compassion

Tonight I found out what's like in some small part to really be moved with compassion. Not in some big, impressive way, mind you. Just a small way.

My husband and I went to Walmart, just picking up a few things we needed. He went to look at video games (of course) while I browsed through the movies. As I was standing there a woman walking by caught my attention. She was crying and calling out for her boyfriend, or husband to stop. "Miles, please wait", she cried out, trailing further and further behind him. I watched for a moment and was just so pressed to go pray with this young woman.
So I started out after her. She had gotten quite a ways ahead of me by this time. So I searched around a whole side of the store looking for her. I was just about to give up, kicking myself that I hadn't acted sooner, when I turned around and saw her pleading again with her husband. He walked away from her again, and left her standing in a main aisle, crying. I knew this was my chance. I walked up to her, put my hand on her arm and asked her if she was ok. I think it shocked her. She jumped and just cried more. So I asked her if I could pray with her. And she laughed, going on to explain that she and her husband were going to get divorced, it didn't matter how much they tried to bring God into it, nothing changed. I didn't have any wise words to say, except that I was so sorry they were going through that. Again I asked if I could pray with her, and she shrugged and said ok. Her husband then was walking down the aisle towards us, so she called him over explaining that "this total stranger felt moved by God to pray with them and did he want to be a part of it?" He nodded and said yes, he did want to be a part. So we joined hands and right there in the middle of the main aisle in Walmart, we prayed. Praying for their marriage, for their relationship with Jesus, for wisdom and guidance...just every aspect of their situation. After we finished praying, I got this dear young woman's number, and asked if I could stay in touch with her. I told them about my church, and asked if they would come some time. They said yes. :)
I've now spent the whole evening texting this woman, and just caring for her. Not because I'm anything special, but because I felt so moved with compassion from Jesus to care about these people. How is it possible that a woman can walk around in a store as busy as Walmart crying, and nobody asks if she's ok?

If you don't mind, pray for Miles (the husband), and Charlie (the wife). Pray for their marriage. Pray that they will have patience, and compassion for each other. Pray that they will remember their love for each other. Pray that they will come to know Jesus in a real way. Pray that tonight is just the beginning of their walk with the Lord, and that our little not-so-chance meeting in Walmart will change things for good-because God IS able.

The Silence Crisis

I've been quiet recently.
Partly, I know, because I'm busy and I just don't have time to sit down and blog out my thoughts as much as I would like.

There are some things I just feel somewhat lost in. Some things that I just have no direction on whatsoever. It's a bit disjointed I guess.

Something is brewing...it's like there is a shift coming and all the things that I've been stuck on were leading up to this point. There's been some breakthrough in some areas that I had no understanding in at all a few months ago. Finally some clarity on what to pray for...which is awesome.

It's really like this: It seems as though a veil has been lifted from my eyes and I am now seeing even greater things that I'm in a spiritual battle over. It's like I've caught a glimpse of how significant things are that I didn't see before. Ephesians 6 says "we fight not against flesh and blood but against the powers and principalities of this present darkness." I don't mean to be "over spiritual" but I am truly seeing some things in a different light.
I guess the silence comes from the weight of things I didn't even understand. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not burdened or depressed. I guess I've just been trying to figure things out, gain some clarity and wisdom before I move on. The deep breath before the plunge, I guess.
It's all good things really. More opportunities to lay down my will, my nature, what's natural and "normal" and take a greater step towards being like Jesus.
That's my desire and my heart anyway. Not just in word, but in action.
There's a lot of work ahead...but I'm ready. Refreshed, renewed...empowered by the grace of God.