Abandoned

What makes me feel safe? 

I was thinking about this last night. 

I realized we often look to those around us for safety. We look to family, and friends; they become our refuge when we feel unsafe. When we need a haven or sanctuary, these are the people we turn to. 

And it was like Holy Spirit interrupted me. 

“What if you don’t have that?” 

I stopped. I rely on that safety. That even if people everywhere else don’t like me or write me off, I enjoy the refuge of family and friends that love me and know me. 

But what if I don’t have that? What if the only refuge I have is the Lord. What if the only approval I have is the Lord’s? 

Isn’t that what it’s supposed to be? 

Can I be ok if the only approval I have is His? 

Why is that the last one on my list? 

Let’s be honest. Approval feels good. We like it. It gives us confidence and boosts our ego. 

But I think trouble is quick to follow when we start looking around to see who agrees with us. 

In contrast, abandonment is hard. David talks about this in Psalm 27. In verse 10 he says, “Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.”

He was in the midst of it as he wrote these things. 

Jesus was betrayed by Judas, and abandoned in his most crucial hour by those closest to him. 

I’m realizing abandonment is a reality we must learn to live with. We must learn to walk through it and become whole again on the other side. We don’t limp forward, band-aiding up our bullet holes and hoping for the best. We don’t pretend they don’t exist, or act like they don’t hurt. 

We treat the whole wound. We go to the root. 

I’ve been abandoned by many relationships throughout the course of my life. It has been painful every time. Truthfully, it takes years to process this pain and subsequent healing.

It is not immediate. I’m still processing some of them. Still walking out the healing part. 

A few things need to be said about this kind of healing: 

• Forgiveness is everything. There is no healing without forgiveness.“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians‬ ‭3:13‬ ‭

• Bitterness feels safe and can disguise itself as health- it’s not. Don’t fall for it. “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, fault-finding] and slander be put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse, malevolence]. Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.” Ephesians‬ ‭4:31-32‬ ‭

• Real love can overlook offenses because real love forgives. Real love is wise, and real love has boundaries. Real love knows what to guard and what can be given away. “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”‭‭ 1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭

Jesus knew that Judas would betray him. He knew his disciples would deny him and leave him. He loved them anyway. He walked with them for the time they were assigned to be close. But Jesus knew in spite of betrayal and denial that the will of the Father was best. That made drinking the cup possible.* 

It made it bearable.

We have to learn that the best approval** we can have is the Lord’s. We have to learn that if everyone around us denies, abandons and forgets us, that He is enough. 

Because denial will happen. Betrayal will happen. 

But it doesn’t have to be the defining wound. It doesn’t have to be the line in the sand where we became jaded and bitter. 

It can be another place in the journey to really becoming holy. To really be like Jesus. 

Don’t give up in the bitter valley. Jesus is there, walking beside, bringing us into true wholeness and healing, if we’ll let him. 

* “Abba, Father,” he cried out, “everything is possible for you. Please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”‭‭ Mark‬ ‭14:36‬ ‭

**“Am I now trying to win the favor and approval of men, or of God? Or am I seeking to please someone? If I were still trying to be popular with men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.”

‭‭Galatians‬ ‭1:10‬ ‭AMP‬‬