Prison

I keep thinking about Paul. So many critical moments and teachings came from the prison. 

Yet he had joy. He was full of joy actually. He had peace. He was content. 

Sadly, I find myself completely dissatisfied in my own life when I’m not where I want to be. 

What if the prison is where we’re called to be? What if we never leave it? Will I be content? Full of joy? Peace? Sometimes the prison doesn’t have bars or walls. Sometimes it’s a season of life. We want it to be over, but it lingers on. 

I find myself relating to Paul. Don’t worry, I’m not that arrogant; I know I’m not in chains for the gospel. But the place I’m in seems very disconnected. Isolated. Out of touch. I feel like I’m out of the game. On the sidelines where no one even remembers I used to play. As a person of action, this is tough. I’m an all or nothing person, and when it comes to Jesus, it’s ALL. 

But here I sit on the bench, longing to get back in the game and do something useful again. 

But I look at Paul. Not once do I get the impression that he felt like he was out of the game. If anything, he rejoiced that he was in the will of God. He never counted himself out. How? What is this perspective?

I know that where I am is where I’m supposed to be. It’s time to quiet the questions. Because if I never leave the prison, I don’t want it to change a thing. That no matter what happens, I conduct myself worthy of the gospel of Christ. 

Paul never gave up. He never despaired. What if he wasted time comparing himself to others outside the prison? What a different story he would have told if he had. There’s a reason Paul was chosen for the prison. It couldn’t have been just anyone. What an honor. I want to live that way. I want the Lord to entrust difficult things to me. Not because I’m so awesome, but because I’m faithful. Because I’m a good steward. Can he trust me with the prison? Even if I never leave it? Lord, help me, I hope so. 

I just want to be faithful where he’s called me. One day at a time. I want to rejoice. I want to be full of joy. That every cell mate would see Jesus in me. Not despair. Not hopelessness. Not defeat. Not frustration. Just Jesus. 

And really, this is who we’re supposed to be. As believers, hope is our thing. Joy is our thing. Peace is our thing. We’re not like those who don’t know and are tossed around by everything that comes their way. No matter what we face, we have the option to choose joy. To choose hope. To choose peace. To choose to be content. It’s up to us. 

So here I sit on the sidelines. Patiently. Joyfully. Gratefully. Thankfully. Content to be here. 
And believing that even here, I’ll live to the fullest every moment the Lord gives me.