Choices

I’ve taken to quiet drives recently. When it’s just me and Lennox in the car, I often just enjoy the silence (as long as he hasn’t decided to lose his mind) and take time to pray, or just consider things. 

The Lord reminded me of something last night on my drive home. I’ve been thinking a lot about brokenness recently, you see. Not just because of our own lives, but because I’ve seen so many close friends walk through brokenness in the last year and a half. 

I felt like the Lord showed me that brokenness does one of two things. It drives us in, or it drives us away. 

The reality is that either way, it’s our choice. We make the choice to draw close, or run away. 

Often, running away seems like the better choice. And we can make a compelling argument for why that is. We’re very good justifiers, I’ve found. 

I think there’s a very simple reason we want to run away. We want to run away because we’re afraid to be vulnerable before the Lord. Not because we are naive enough to think He doesn’t know how we feel, but because we feel like we’ve been disappointed or let down, and if we draw close, it’ll happen again. That might be too real, but there it is. I can say it, because I’ve had to face that reality in my own mind. I want to be a little mad. I want to ask the Lord a lot of questions. And ultimately, the really ugly, fleshy part of me doesn’t want to draw close, because I’m afraid of more disappointment. 

And then the Holy Spirit reminded me of this: the enemy wants to use my brokenness for isolation; the Lord wants to use it for intimacy. 

Isolation is quick to show it's face. It seems like the place of safety and comfort we need. But isolation is far-reaching. It will never stay in the box you put it in. It creeps into every area of your life. It will lead you to a place where you don't run to the Lord, and then it will convince you that you don't need other people, that they can't understand and won't try. Let's just make it plain: that is a LIE.
We aren't meant to do life alone. Isolation will kill your perspective about other people; it will tell you things are true that are not, and you won't be able to see the difference because the lie will sound a lot like the truth.

I can give into the isolation. Or I can choose intimacy. I can draw close, even though I feel disappointed. Even though I feel like I’m waiting for God to show up in a big way, and it doesn’t seem like He does. I can still choose to be close. 

Psalm 34:18 says that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted. He knows our brokenness. And He is waiting for us to draw close. He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Don’t get me wrong, He might not change a thing about your circumstance. But He’ll change you. He’ll change me. Intimacy changes everything. It sustains. It refreshes. It comforts. It somehow reaches into every hurt place and heals. We need the intimacy because when the broken season is over, we’ll be different people because of it. 

Isolation only distorts. It can’t heal, it can’t help, it only hurts. It’s a lie we can’t afford to believe because we’re meant to be close. We’re meant to be close to Him and close to each other. 

And close means vulnerable. I know, it’s scary. It’s hard to really let go of all the parts of yourself you’re trying to protect. But you can’t protect them. Not really. Another lie we’re too quick to believe. 

One final thought: vulnerability isn’t weakness. It’s strength. 

So here’s the bottom line: don’t give in. Don’t run toward isolation. Run towards intimacy. 

Run towards vulnerability. Run towards humility. Run to Him. 

Proverbs 18:10 

The name of the Lord is a strong tower;

the righteous run to it and are safe.