Lessons

Today, my perfect, little almost 3-month old taught me a valuable lesson. 

You see, up until today, I’ve held him until he falls asleep and then put him in his crib for a nap or for the night. I love these moments because I absolutely ADORE HIM and would gladly hold him FOREVER. 

I’ve been testing out putting him to sleep in his crib while he’s awake and letting him fall asleep on his own and it’s been going really well. 

However today, I settled down on the couch after feeding him and tried to put him to sleep and he just fussed and fussed. I tried all the usual remedies, all the usual tricks. Nothing. He just kept fussing. Finally, I thought that maybe I should just lay him down in his crib and see if he just wanted to cry, or just maybe he would calm down. So I wrapped him up and put him down in the crib. 

He immediately settled down and just laid there quietly. He stayed awake, looking around, for a few minutes. But before I knew it, he was sound asleep. 

I am both incredibly happy and sad at the same time. I am so glad that my almost 3-month old can lay in his crib and put himself to sleep (even without a pacifier). How amazing!

And suddenly, so sad because I realized he didn’t want to be snuggled to sleep. 

And then my physical-touch, love language heart shattered into pieces. 

Now I realize that might sound ridiculous, because tomorrow he might ONLY want to be snuggled. 

But for me, it opened my eyes to a bigger picture. I’m seeing in action, how what I want, what I think is “best” is not necessarily best for him. I have to watch and learn and understand what is best for HIM, and do that. Even if it’s not what I want. Even if it doesn’t fill my emotional need. What’s best for him is what matters. What will be most healthy for him, what will help him grow in the best way possible. Even down to his sleep pattern. Long-term, it will be better for him to be able to fall asleep without being held. And as much as I love and utterly cherish those moments, what’s best for him is more important than what I might feel is best for me. Making sure he gets lots of sleep and has a good schedule will help him feel secure and be healthy. That matters more to me. 

I’ve only been a mom for a minute period of time and already I have been shown over and over again more opportunities to die to myself. I know that’s a phrase we don’t use much anymore in today’s society. The idea of dying to ourselves is rather preposterous to most, even sometimes in the church world. We’re very big on what WE think. Because we think we know a lot. But being a mom has already humbled me in more ways than I can count. 

I don’t know best. 

I don’t have all the answers. 

I can’t have all the answers. 

I can’t let fear control me. 

I can't parent my son out of MY need. 

I have to rely on the Holy Spirit. 

I have to seek the Lord for wisdom on what is BEST for Lennox.  

I have to be ok with not letting my emotions tell me how to be a parent. 

I have to parent my son based on HIS need.

I have to practice self-control on a daily (and/or minute-by-minute) basis. 

I have to remember that His ways ARE higher than my ways; and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts* - even when it comes to being a parent (even in the nitty-gritty of nap time).  

Ultimately, I have to remember that my son is the Lord’s, and I need to hold him with open hands. 

This all might seem a little silly to you, but I look for the Lord in every situation. No matter how silly or insignificant it may seem. Because I know that He cares about the little things. He cares about the details. 

Being a parent is no joke. It is challenging me and changing me in ways that nothing else could, and I am only at the very beginning. But I love that every season of life is so intentional. I love that even the small beginnings** hold so much for us if we’ll seek it out.  

The Lord has the BEST for us, he really does. Don’t miss out because you get distracted trying to make YOUR best happen. Everything He does is perfect and right. 

We can trust Him.   




*Isaiah 55:8
"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."

**Zechariah 4:10b
"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin."