Conversations In Heaven

What did God say about the cross? Was there a conversation in heaven?

A long time ago...long before the day came. Maybe they stood in heaven, looking out over the universe they'd made. I imagine a quiet moment between Father and Son contemplating all that was to come, like the breath before the plunge.

Jesus knew, of that I’m sure. But I can't help but wonder what the Father said to his Son.
Maybe it was simple. No need for a conversation because Jesus already knew. Maybe Jesus put his hand on his Father's shoulder and simply reassured his Father, “Don’t worry Dad. I’ll do it.” And God just nodded and looked proudly at his Son. 

Or maybe God thought out loud about his plan. Posing all the big questions, all the concerns. Vocalizing all the pieces of the plan, just to make sure they both understood. Which Jesus knew of course, but he listened anyway. 

I like to think God simply said, “You know what we have to do.” And Jesus simply nodded and humbly said, “I’ll do it.” 

And then they lapse into comfortable silence, looking out over the humanity they love. 

2016: Great Expectations

I have high expectations of the year ahead. I’m not talking about resolutions. I don’t care much for resolutions. I’m inclined to think they’re silly. If you want to make a change, just do it. You don’t need a new year to change things, you just need a decision. 

But I digress. 

I’m in the home stretch to my thirties, and I fully expect my thirties to blow my twenties out of the water. All this time has been prep. I expect to cross that threshold. And things are gonna change. 

I expect my thirties to realize some major things. Sorry, let's not get ahead of ourselves. 

I have some specific expectations for 2016. 

I expect to have more confidence in 2016. I expect to be more self-assured in 2016. I’m disinclined to live by other people’s opinions anyway, but I expect 2016 to be a turning point. This might not make sense, but I expect to have a surer footing in 2016. A stronger foundation. I even believe that 2016 is a launch pad for all the dreams and purpose I’ve been longing for. I expect that 2016 will be a year of intimacy with the Lord. A closeness like never before. I expect that 2016 will be a year of revelation. Which only makes sense. Intimacy breeds revelation. 

I expect 2016 will answer questions; a lot of questions. 

Ultimately, I expect 2016 to be a good year, full of obedience and new challenges. 

It's time to start rehearsing these words. 
Get a mark on the target so I know what I'm aiming for. 

So here’s 2016. A whole new year. 

Things To Remember

So I have this list. It's simple, maybe silly even, but these are things I want to remember, in case there are times when I forget. 
It's actually quite personal, as most of it are things that matter to me deeply. 
But I digress. 

Things To Remember

Never choose to isolate yourself. Separation from someone you love is never the solution.

Always remember that love is a choice. 

Always honor your commitments and be a person of your word. 

Never forget that life is not meant for the temporal, but the eternal, so everything does matter. 

You'll make a difference no matter what you do; make sure it's for the better. 

Discipline in love is what counts, not punishment from anger. 

Never make important choices when you're upset. Make your choices when you are calm. 

Always fight to make things right and to work things out. 

Never be satisfied with giving up, on anything. 

When you want to give up, remember your strength is the Lord's, so get up and keep going. 

Keep your passion for being like Jesus at the front of your mind.

Keep perspective. Always ask the question: why do I do what I do? 

Don't be afraid of doing something no one else understands, sometimes you have to stand alone to make a difference. 

Nothing will ever replace honesty and integrity. They are worth fighting for- even when no one else does. 

Remember it's ok to not have all the answers. 

Don't let your emotions tell you what to do. Make your decisions intentionally, with a clear mind. 

Don't let fear of failure keep you from what you need to do. 

Don't be lazy. Laziness will bring you nothing, and take you nowhere. 

Enjoy life right now. 

When it comes to kids: 

Love means that I will do what it takes to teach my children to be kind, selfless people. 

Remember, love disciplines. 

Don't parent out of your need. What you had, or didn't have. Parent out of what your children need. Know them well enough to do it. 

Never Stop

some things I’m afraid to let go of

some things I’m afraid to hold on

some things make sense in the moment

some only make sense when you’re gone 

some days I wish it was easier

some days I wish I could stop

some days I wish it was over

most days I’m glad that it’s not

sometimes I have all the answers 

sometimes I have none

sometimes you know at the start 

sometimes you only know when it’s done

I’ll always keep on fighting

because we know, it’s now or not

we know that I’ll keep going

the truth is. 

I’ll never stop. 

Revolution

I've never understood it. I've always been a fighter. Not angry. Not looking to prove myself, or pick a fight. But inside. I've always felt like a warrior. Like I belong on the front lines. 

What's crazy to me, is that I still feel like I haven't gotten there. 

I've served. And submitted. My whole life, it's all I've done. It's all I know how to do. 

Not because I couldn't go do something revolutionary. Or because I didn't want to. Revolution is my heart. It's in my warrior blood. 

But I've never felt released to go do it.  

Because I think the thing about revolution is that it has to be released. I feel anointed for revolution. But I won't get there if I go before I'm released. 

King David was anointed to be the king of Israel while there was still another king on the throne. How interesting that must have been. We often think that since we're anointed, that means we possess it immediately. But sometimes you're anointed, and your time hasn't come. So your job then, is to wait. And serve. And submit. And be FAITHFUL. 

Because the truth is:

Revolution is not for the weak. 

Revolution is not for the lazy. 

Revolution is never about status. 

Revolution is never about popularity.

Revolution by definition is about a new system, a change of order. Or maybe it's about a shift of order. A reclaiming of order. A repossessing of order. 

Revolution is not a choice. Either you're called to it, and you'll do whatever it takes, or you're not and you won't. I know I'll do whatever it takes. 

And maybe I'm totally crazy. Maybe my time will never come. But I'll be ready for it, no matter what. 

Sorry Culture

I realized today that I've probably never once thanked God for the body that I have. I can't remember ever thanking him for it. Which sounds utterly ridiculous. I've spent years frustrated over my size, shape, metabolism, build, skin color, you name it. I've complained about it.

How incredibly ungrateful. I am mortified that I've never thanked God for giving me the body he gave me. Psalm 139:14 says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My body is a gift, perfectly designed, uniquely chosen for ME. God made no mistake in knitting my body together. Who am I to say it's not right? Do I know better than the Creator? 

Enough complaining about my body. I am going to be grateful. I'm going to thank God for MY body. Enough being spoon-fed our thought process on body image and beauty. It's time to break out of the mold. It's time to think for ourselves.
Sorry, Culture, that would demand me to be dissatisfied. Sorry, Culture, that tells me I'm not thin enough. Sorry, Culture, that would prefer me to live in shame over not having the "perfect" body. Sorry, Culture, that doesn't make clothes to fit people with my body type. Sorry, Culture, whose trends and fashions are impossible to keep up with. Sorry, Culture, that makes it clear at every possible moment I won't ever be good enough. I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!! 

Sorry Culture. I'm done with you. 

Where Am I Found

Where am I found 

Is it in you? 

Where am I now

Am I with you? 

I am caught 

Between empty things 

And forgotten dreams 

And things that aren't what they seem 

I am confused 

By what I see 

By what I don't 

And what I think should be 

And my soul screams 

Where am I found 

Is it in you? 

Where am I now

Am I with you? 

I am called

To walk this road 

And to leave a mark 

Even if I stand alone 

I am content 

Because You don't fail 

And You don't leave 

You don't even sleep at all 

And now I know 

Where am I now? 

I am with you 

Where am I found? 

Only in You