Maybe because I've realized that I was afraid if I didn't have those things, God would forget about me. Its not that I care so much about being important. But I want to be important to God. It's so silly, I know. In some regard I didn't even know I thought that. Until I've spent months praying and trying to understand this season of shift and transition. Quite honestly, these revelations are embarrassing for me. I'm a person who thrives on answers. I analyze everything because I want to know and understand it all. To make it all make sense. I like to think I have no weaknesses, no limitations. How laughable that sounds now.
God is stripping things away from me. Not to take things away so that I have less. But so that I can have more. Ultimately my importance doesn't matter. It's not attached to a person, or a place or a position. It will always hinge on Jesus.
He's calling me to walk in greater faith. Greater obedience, greater trust. To walk only by faith, and not what I see. Most of life shouldn't be based on what I see. If it was, life would seem rather bleak.
It's time to be ok with the change. To remember that I hold everything with open hands. Nothing is mine. Everything is His.
